“Let us live in such a way
That when we die
Our love will survive
And continue to grow.
Amen”
(Leunig, The Prayer Tree)
I often hear that some people come to Denmark to get away from families…or to give their families a new life away from the ‘madding crowds’. I have just returned from 12 days in Brisbane visiting my frail mother who lives in a hostel. We shared a hotel room in down town Brissie and spent the days and nights enjoying precious time together before it is too late! It is hard to see one’s parents grow old, frail and difficult. It is even more challenging to know that family members especially grandchildren rarely or just don’t visit. I was told: ‘oh they are too busy’, ‘they have so much on their plates’, and ‘there is nothing for them there!’
‘Nothing for them there’ is more than sad. It is a modern day tragedy! During my visit I consciously chose to say to my nephews: ‘Of course come and visit aunty in her lovely new home in Denmark, but first visit grandma!’ I am deeply pleased that this truth-telling moved a few of them. One nephew said: ‘your visit aunty has shown me that you care. You came all this way and I just live close by. I will and want to visit. I want to know her before she dies.’ That luncheon I observed my mother sharing with these 25-30 year-old men, the stories of our family, their heritage, their origins, the fun times, the challenges…I saw for the first time a real interest, a genuine feeling of ‘I want to know more about us’.
To know more about ourselves all of us at some point need to come to understand our past, our heritage. To truly create a grounded and healthy future we need to honour and value our full histories, which includes our elders, no matter what has happened. I said to my nephews: ‘I know you want children soon, so now is that time to grow care. Drop the guilt about grandma and choose to grow love, visit intentionally for growing love…for you, your partners and your families. This is the healing for the generations to come.’
This winter, the time where we see the ‘ageing’ of the seasons, I invite us all to grow love and the honouring of our elders, including ourselves as we age, and with this ancient land that grows us.