April 2021 – here I am having moved across the Ditch and left everything and everyone in Australia, now in one hotel room in Auckland for 2 weeks! The Challenge: How can the days come and flow together, in and out, maybe like this tidal lake I am seeing from the confines of comfort. Each minute, hour, day and night this lake so different, ever changing. A constancy yet ever different no place no one ever the same. Truly this feels so within me and within this room of isolation and connectedness. A rainbow comes magically to inspire and affirm. There is hope keep the faith I heard and felt.
Yet comfort last night out the window as doubts and insecurities came in. The critic appeared and the inner battles were raging leaving me today tender, exhausted and deeply reflective. Questioning all and everything as perhaps one should in times of great adventures and not so great ventures! Will I be able to rise to the many challenges? Will I find the inner and outer resources to really start anew? Will I be juicy and creative when I’m sixty-four!? Should I simply go back to OZ Fremantle and remain similar but safer? Will I die of anxiety and regret or wonderful excitement and destiny? Will we be able to bring Greater Wellbeing to NZ, a big ask and invitation indeed?
Every day I have asked for inner guidance and support from dear friends, guides, dreams and reflections and the stirrings of a deep Tibetan bowl that travelled with me across the ocean . Each day’s questing and inquiry never straight or totally clear. Courageous intuition, wise-heartedness and persistent patience to sort through the real and the unreal, the illusionary and true, the hopeful and the creative possible. Last night in questioning angst asking for answers seeing such a ‘Sunset – a Completion’ of course! Why not with all the questions I have and all the uncertainties of a real Adventure with all the extraordinary and ordinary to come, how would I be certain and feel comfortable!
This part of my Life as perhaps every part of living is never meant to be easy! That wish is more often a pipe dream. Guidance inner and outer point the Way through tough and true Dreamings to climb up the Mountain reaching for the Stars. Each life movement, every meaning-making is hard won and must be deeply sensed and embraced. Where we become complacent demanding easy street we fall down the mountain and end up walking in circles, staying stuck and becoming lost, limp and lethargic!
Sunrise approaches and a wisdom saying comes to me: “Life bequeaths to us a thousand deaths that we might enjoy the mystery of life a thousand times.” This reassuringly connects profoundly. This meaning and greater perspective opens up Doorways within. I am taken by the power of not just words but the magic of synchronicity where my inner and the outer Meet and the beyond is possible again. I am so very grateful for the deepening discoverings of my Senses – feeling, seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, intuiting and More! From almost 64 I feel the promise of 74!!…and maybe More…not about age rather living my Inner unfolding Path and Destiny, no matter what! The demands and demandingness of youth releasing into another greater Lake that can only come from a true and real ‘Hotel Isolation’!